Breathe on, little sister, breathe on...
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Perspective
Okay, I'll start off by saying that things lately have been crappier than normal. I've been bitching, whining, moaning, and crying. Things suck for me right now.
But yesterday, after seeing all the posts about our soldiers fighting overseas wouldn't get paid during the government shutdown, and that their families would not receive death benefits if they died during the shutdown days, I thought of a few things that actually got me going a bit.
1. I'm not in some nasty trench in some God-forsaken desert, wondering if I'm gonna get paid by the same idiots that I am serving to protect back home.
2. I haven't been diagnosed with any tragic diseases. A long list of mental illnesses, yes, but cancer, ALS, MS, fibromyalgia,., no.
3. No family or friends have been diagnosed with any from the above list (lately- but there are some who battle those on a daily basis).
4. I haven't had to make any agonizing decisions regarding medical care for any of my cats (lately).
5. I do have wonderful friends and family, who help me if they can, and have shown incredible kindness while I've vented to them, even when they haven't told me that I could vent..
6. I'm still on the good side of 40 as an old boyfriend of mine would say (yes, I know "not for long" but indulge me while I can still be indulged).
I've been stopping myself when I start to say "I can't do this anymore/I'm so tired of this." I just tell myself instead that things will be better for me very soon. (That sounds like medicine or eating vegetables, what I really mean is that I'll be in better circumstances soon.)
A dear friend of mine told me a nice little expression- "You'll see it when you believe it." Thank you Debi, for giving me a reason to believe.
But yesterday, after seeing all the posts about our soldiers fighting overseas wouldn't get paid during the government shutdown, and that their families would not receive death benefits if they died during the shutdown days, I thought of a few things that actually got me going a bit.
1. I'm not in some nasty trench in some God-forsaken desert, wondering if I'm gonna get paid by the same idiots that I am serving to protect back home.
2. I haven't been diagnosed with any tragic diseases. A long list of mental illnesses, yes, but cancer, ALS, MS, fibromyalgia,., no.
3. No family or friends have been diagnosed with any from the above list (lately- but there are some who battle those on a daily basis).
4. I haven't had to make any agonizing decisions regarding medical care for any of my cats (lately).
5. I do have wonderful friends and family, who help me if they can, and have shown incredible kindness while I've vented to them, even when they haven't told me that I could vent..
6. I'm still on the good side of 40 as an old boyfriend of mine would say (yes, I know "not for long" but indulge me while I can still be indulged).
I've been stopping myself when I start to say "I can't do this anymore/I'm so tired of this." I just tell myself instead that things will be better for me very soon. (That sounds like medicine or eating vegetables, what I really mean is that I'll be in better circumstances soon.)
A dear friend of mine told me a nice little expression- "You'll see it when you believe it." Thank you Debi, for giving me a reason to believe.
Friday, March 11, 2011
I hate when this happens...
I want some wine or beer, I have neither on hand, but I don't feel like going anywhere to buy them, because that would involve putting on regular clothes, then going downstairs, then walking to my car, then getting in the car, then driving somewhere, then getting out of the car, then walking through the parking lot into the store, then finding the booze aisle, then deciding what I want, then waiting in line at the register...you get the idea.
Now, some might say "well Leah, that's why you need a man in your life." Yeah, I suppose I need a new hole in my head too. If I were a betting woman in Vegas, if the man in my life were even around me on a Friday night, he'd say something like "why should I go get that for you?" Because I'm gracing you with my presence, you ingrate. Because you hardly ever do anything else for me. Because you taunt my cat. Because that's what you're here for.
Men. Can't live with 'em, can't send 'em out for booze.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
On Turning 40
Okay, so this year I turn 40. So do three in my circle of friends. The first of these 40's is happening this month. I thought for sure that at the very least, this person would do what s/he does every year, which is have a happy hour somewhere on that weekend. So I decided to grab the bull by the horns, and thought that this year should be something great. However, my friend, in a complete reversal of habit, is saying that s/he would just as soon sleep through the changing of year. S/he doesn't want to do anything, and certainly does not want to be the center of attention. I thought maybe have a small dinner in the area, with a few select people, NO cake, NO singing, no presents, just dinner. My friend doesn't even want that. S/he seems to be unusually down about this birthday.
I myself, so far, am planning on hiding under my bed, drinking wine straight from the bottle. My friend has it a LOT more together than I do (in my opinion)- good job, professional, intelligent, in shape, etc. I have a laundry list of things that I want to get done by the time my birthday rolls around, and a list of things that I THINK that I SHOULD have accomplished by now- buying a house, getting married, starting a family, earning my graduate degree, getting CPA certification, establish good habits of housekeeping and exercising, to name a few.
So if my friend, who again, has it a lot more together than I do, doesn't want to celebrate, what in the world makes me think that I should?
Well, I've got until August to decide. A lot can happen in that time.
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